Ambien. No doubt about it.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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