My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
