I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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