Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
