its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
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today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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