theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
