I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
