i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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