If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize