woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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