C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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