you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
