Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
