i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
