I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
