Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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