i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
