paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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