You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
