I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
