It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I want a musical about memes.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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