when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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