He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
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he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
As shirtless as possible
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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