She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
