that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
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i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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