Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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