google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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