Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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