I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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