I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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