Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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