operation harelip BJ is a go
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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