Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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