At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
birth control should be required to get into college
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
