I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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