no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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