I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
