Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
