Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
