What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
