Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
