You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
