walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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