Can i not drive my cunt home
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
