When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
