Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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