theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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