Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
