Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I touched a dick in church today
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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