I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
