Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I could make wine with my vomit
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
