i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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