I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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