don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize