my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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