i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
