i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
