I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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