I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
