well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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