she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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