did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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