i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
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