this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
