I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
