You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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